Padamu tengah kubangunkan satu gunung kebanggaan,
berkerangka mimpi dan jutaan harapan
sebagai investasi sosial yang membanggakan.
Peluh belum lagi kering,
penat belum lagi pergi,
Engkau melilitkan dinamit disetiap lerengnya
Justru ketika aku gigih membangunya inci demi inci untuk kita.
Penghianatanmu meledakkan gunung kebanggaanku,
Hancur menimbun jalinan ruhku
ketika aku baru saja hendak tetirah dari waktu yang tak henti memburu
yang kau rontokkan hanya dengan sekali picu.
dihimpit jutaan ton amarah dan cadas tajam pengalaman.
aku masih hidup!
Dan engkau,
diluar sana entah menari,
entah menyanyi,
berpesta birahi diatas puing puingnya,
diatas darah dan dagingku yang tertanam diam.
Aku masih hidup terkubur kesedihan.
menikmati nyanyi dan tawamu ditimpahi suara laki laki; kekasih hatimu
Engkaupun tahu, aku megap megap hampir sekarat
Teruskan berpesta,
Tuntaskan tawamu,
biar kutunggu
seratus tahun sampai angin mengikis bebanku,
atau ribuan musim mengangkutinya pergi,
hingga aku mampu bangkit dan berdiri lagi,
membangun gunung kebanggaan lain lagi,
entah untuk siapa…
Sebab aku masih hidup, meski tanpa jiwa!
Jakarta, August 28, 2005
4 comments:
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